


if it hadn't been for love

by spilborghs (carebearstare)



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Colorado Rockies, M/M, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Original Mythology, Soulmates, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 09:25:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16015037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carebearstare/pseuds/spilborghs
Summary: His mother once told him that the gods used to walk among them, until humans began to want too much from them. She believed they were still here, hiding, only to come out when necessary. He never believed her, until he needed something himself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tulowhiskey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tulowhiskey/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [tulowhiskey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tulowhiskey/pseuds/tulowhiskey) in the [boysofsummer18](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/boysofsummer18) collection. 



> I couldn't leave you hanging anymore, Jenny! Unbetaed but the beginning to your prompt. :*
> 
>  
> 
> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
> established relationship/soulmate AU with bonded players being separated by trade/free agency and having to deal with the effects of that. 
> 
> fav pairings for this above, or really anything involving either team’s core players (past/present) is cool. ((or Tulo/Cargo, but no tag available))

His mother once told him that the gods used to walk among them, until humans began to want too much from them. She believed they were still here, hiding, only to come out when necessary. He never believed her, until he needed something himself.

-

When Troy was a young boy, his parents tried to explain the concept of a soul bond to him. ‘But mom,’ he would always ask, ‘how do you know who they are?’ She would smile at him, brush his hair back, and explain it. Over and over again. ‘You feel them, sweetheart,’ she would always answer back. 

He never thought much about how you could feel them, until he was old enough for school. On his first day, he came home excited. “Mom! Mom! I felt my soulmate today!” She had been at the table, filling out paperwork when he told her. She dropped her pen in surprise. 

“You... did?”

He crawled up onto her lap, wanting to be close when he shared his good news. “Yeah! She has brown hair and blue eyes and she likes the color purple and -”

“Sweetheart, you felt her?” 

He looked up at her, eyes bright. “Yeah! She touched my arm and smiled at me, so I smiled back.” She smiled softly then, amused at his mix-up about how you knew you had met your soulmate. But she didn’t want to make fun, because he had obviously met a new friend. So she tried a different approach.

“Was there a shock when she touched your arm?”

He frowned at her, nose scrunching up. “What do you mean?” 

“When she touched you, did it hurt?” 

He had to think hard about it, but shook his head. “No, why would it hurt?”

Her eyes softened, along with her smile. She ran her hand through his hair, hoping to explain it better to him this time. “Well, when you meet your soulmate and touch for the first time, it feels like a shock,” paused for a moment, thinking of how to describe it. “It’s like… when you run across the carpet and then touch me or your father. You know, when you jump back right after because it stings?”

This time, he pouted. “So I didn’t meet my soulmate?”

She pulled him in for a hug. “No, sweetheart. You didn’t. She sounds like she’ll be a good friend to you, but she’s not your soulmate.”

He made a displeased sound, but quickly recovered. “So… i just have to wait?” Looks up at her, hopeful. 

“Yes, sweetheart. You just have to wait. But I promise, you’ll know when you’ve met them.”

-

The girl he met did end up becoming a friend, but as he got older, he always asked about how you knew. He’d always been a curious boy, always wanting to know more about everything. He needed to understand. ‘But mom,’ he would ask. ‘You can shock someone at any time. It’s just how electricity works. What if you met your soulmate but you just thought it was from static? Then you would just walk away from them!’ And she would shake her head. ‘Troy,” she would say, with a smile. ‘There’s more to it than that.’ 

He would always huff and get annoyed, sometimes he would walk away, and other times he would ask more questions. More often than not, she would tell him the same thing she always did, that he would just know. He was still growing, and she didn’t want that to be his only focus in life. 

So he would ask other people. Ask his teachers, ask his friends, ask his friends’ parents. He didn’t mean for it to become his mission, but he hated not knowing. He was okay with not knowing who his soulmate was, but not the process. There were times, when he was in middle school, where he thought he felt something. But more often than not, it was just a crush. He asked his mom about those too, if it was okay. And as always, she would shake her head and smile. “Yes, those are fine,” she would say. “Everyone gets those.” With that, he started dating girls in his class. It never lasted long, always worrying if he was doing something wrong, even if he hadn’t met his soulmate yet.

-

By the time Troy reached high school, he’d all but given up on understanding. Not because he had lost hope on finally getting it one day, but because his focus had shifted. Of course, baseball was nothing new to him, and he had always loved it, always studied it growing up. But he was on the varsity team and wanted to, needed to become the best. He broke it off with his latest girlfriend and practiced even more, spending every waking moment living and breathing baseball. 

That is, until he met a girl his junior year.

He came home from practice one day, sullen, and his mom wanted to cheer him up. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” 

He rolled his eyes at her, heading towards his room. “Nothing, mom. I just want to be left alone.” 

She let him go for now, but only because dinner wasn’t ready yet. But when she called for him later and he didn’t show up, she went up to him. She knocked on his door softly, calling for him, and when he didn’t answer, started to walk away until he called out for her. She went inside and waited for him to talk about it.

He was lying face down into his pillow, but looked up at her. “I met someone a couple weeks ago. And I really like her, and she really likes me. But… the first time we touched there was just warmth. Not a shock. And I don’t know what to do.” 

She sat down on the edge of the bed and put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” She paused for a moment, not wanting to give him hope, but… maybe it would help. “Can you feel her?” 

His face scrunched up, much like it did when he was younger and she had to fight back a smile. “What do you mean? You always said there was a spark. A shock. You physically feel it.” He didn’t want to get angry at his mother, but that’s what she had always said. Every time. 

She licked her lips, a little bashful. “Well, you were so young when you first mentioned it, I had to think of the easiest way to describe it.” He huffed at her, eyes flashing a little. “But it can be more subtle than that. So, how do you feel when you’re around her?”

He’s annoyed once more, but he stops to think about it. “I don’t know.” He sighs before going on. “She… I always feel calm around her, but excited at the same time? I just always want to be around her, I guess.” As he goes on, a small smile crosses his face, and she can’t help but notice.

“If she makes you feel like that, why don’t you ask her out?” 

“Mom!” 

“What? She sounds special, sweetheart.”

He buried his face again into his pillow, this time out of embarrassment. “She is! But… I don’t… Maybe, okay?” 

She patted his shoulder one more time. “Okay.” She’s about to get up, tell him to come down for dinner, but stops. Her tone shifts, moving to something serious. “Troy?”

He knew that tone well, and lifted up to his elbows to look at her once more. “Yeah, mom?”

She took a moment to center herself before going on. “Do you remember the story we used to tell you when you were younger? About the gods and how they help us find our soulmates?” 

He furrowed his brow. “Yes. Why?”

She looked as if she didn’t want to go on, but chose to anyway. “It’s not a story. The gods, they’re real. And they’re still here. They’re not kind, Troy. I want you to be careful.”

The look of confusion on his face turned quizzical. “They’re… real?” 

“Yes. And while they tend to stay hidden, they’ll come to you when you least expect it. When you’re troubled about your soulmate.” 

“What?!”

She took a deep breath, nodding. “They once were out in the open. They would openly meet with us humans, taking our sacrifices, hearing our prayers about our beloved. But humans became greedy. We began asking for too much, too often. We would withhold our sacrifices to them until we got what we wanted. It became a game for us. And so the gods stopped listening, hid in the shadows. They knew when someone was truly in need, but they changed. They no longer helped humans out of kindness. They wanted something from us, and not just what we offered. They wanted more. Gods found your weakness and exploited it.” She stopped then, looking at him. “Do you understand?”

He listened to his mom, giving her his full attention. He was skeptical, of course. No one believed that the gods still lived. Or at the very least, that they were anywhere here. But he wanted to be respectful about it. “Yes, mom. I do. I’ll be careful about this, I promise.” 

She looked at him, her eyes unwavering. He didn’t look away, wanting to make her believe him. They both stayed that way, silent for a few minutes until she sighed. 

“Just... be careful, okay?

-

He asked her out a few days later. He liked her, and he didn’t want to - couldn't miss out. 

They dated, happily, for a few years. She found her soulmate the day he was drafted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't force fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long to finish, but I hope you love it. :*

You can’t force fate.

At least, that’s the lesson Troy learned. He didn’t want to either, not after losing his girlfriend. Luckily for him, he had baseball. He worked hard, making his way up through the ranks, eventually getting to the show and beyond. By that time, he had all but forgotten about it.

Until _he_ came.

That day wasn’t any different for Troy. At least, not at first. But when he got to the facility, something felt… off. Not bad, just - different. He could feel the restlessness in the air, but he wasn’t sure why. Sure, getting back to spring training was always fun, and the guys were always excited. But this wasn’t that. This was like a raw nerve. Like the moment just before you feel the shock coming. He was starting to worry, until -

“Hey!”

Troy turned around just in time to see Carlos coming towards him, bright smile on his face. He had someone in tow, but he couldn’t determine who it was just yet. The humming in the air intensified, but he tried to ignore it in the name of being a good teammate. Carlos had pulled the guy - kid, really - out from behind him, throwing an arm around him as he introduced him to Troy.

He was bright-eyed and jittery, maybe a little star-struck. But he was happy, and more than excited to meet Troy. So he did what any good teammate would do, and held out his hand. And maybe it was because he was distracted, or maybe it was just because the kid was talking a hundred miles-an-hour. But he had missed the goosebumps on his arm, and the way the hairs had stood straight up as the kid - Nolan - stretched his out to meet it. Until -

“Oh!”

Both he and Nolan had jumped back, looking at each other with wide eyes. He hadn’t noticed the signs before, but - _oh_ \- he could now. And all Troy could do was laugh.

-

He should’ve known that he would’ve found his soulmate in the sport he loved so much. Even then, it wasn’t always easy. Neither of them wanted Nolan to be treated special, or different, in the organization just because he was Troy’s soulmate. Of course, it didn’t take very long for him to recognize just how special and talented Nolan was. And then, when he was called up, a new set of challenges presented themselves.

Troy had concentration in spades. He was a professional athlete, after all. But now, _especially_ now, that he was playing the game he loved with the person he loved, he found his mind wandering. Not all the time, of course. When they were out in the infield together he was a calming influence, helping him focus and concentrate. They played seamlessly together, moving with and around each other with ease.

But.

He worried about him every time he dove for a ball, or got hit by a pitch, or almost got hit, or, or, or. He wanted to protect him whenever he could, and there were so many times that he couldn’t. He knew, rationally, that Nolan would be fine. He was a grown man who could - and did - take everything the sport threw at him, and do it well. Even then, Troy couldn’t help it.

It was made even worse when he was out with injuries. First it was his rib. Then it was his hip. He had been injured before, and he always hated being away from the diamond. But having his soulmate playing while he couldn’t? Again, rationally, he knew he’d be fine. But he always felt better knowing that if something happened, and he got hurt, or thrown at, or got in a fight, he would be there and have his back. And injuries meant that he couldn’t.

And when 2015 came, and he had been healthy, he felt as if nothing could stop him. He could play the game he loved with his beloved, and all would be right.

And then he was traded.

\-  

It didn’t matter to him that he was traded to a contender. It didn’t matter to him that he went 3–5 with a home run, 2 doubles, 3 RBI and 3 runs scored in his first game with his new team. It just didn’t matter. He didn’t have his love to his right on the field anymore.

His panic had started the night before, as soon as he found out about his mid-game trade. In the moment, he hadn’t even thought of how it would affect him - a new team, a new _country_ . All of his focus was on how his love would be. Not how he would react - of course he’d be livid. _But._ Who’s going to look after him? Who’s going to take care of him? Who’s going to be there when he needs advice, or when he can’t sleep and needs to talk to someone at 2 am?

He’s upset, and he’s angry, and after he gets done yelling at Bridich, saying a few choice words that he really, _really_ doesn’t regret, he finds Nolan and comforts him, even though he’s the one that has to leave. Spends as much time with him as he can before he has to get on a plane, to the new city he has to call home.

It wasn’t home, not really. He put on a face and smiled for the media and put his head down and worked because _that’s what he does._ But on the inside? He was a mess. He texted back and forth with Nolan as much as he could, without being overbearing. He just wanted to make sure he was okay. And then he had to try to find a place to live, find time to get his things, all while adjusting to a new team. Safe to say, it wasn’t going well.

That night, he couldn’t sleep. He tried to, wanted desperately to stick to his routine as much as he could. But he was restless. He kept replaying _everything._ Over and over and over again. Kept getting stuck on the look on Nolan’s face when he had to leave. He got up then, pacing around the bedroom of the hotel room they booked for him as he house-searched. His mind was so scattered that he hadn’t noticed the footsteps coming from the entryway, until a soft glow warmed the room.

He turned toward the light until he froze, a woman appearing in front of him. He knew it was late, but he didn’t think he was fucking _hallucinating_ now. It took him a moment, but he managed to speak, curiosity getting the better of him. “Who… who are you?”

She studied him, anything she was feeling hidden from her expression. She didn’t answer, at least, not right away. He tried not to react, but the longer she stared, the more uneasy he felt. So he asked again, curtly. “Who the fuck are you?”

This time, her eyes flared. She stood up tall, voice commanding. “Have you no respect?”  

Troy wasn’t one to back down, but something about her - other than her just, materializing out of thin air - put him on edge. His eyes narrowed as he thought about her question, and instead of answering her’s, he went with one of his own, though it wasn’t nearly as eloquent. “ _What?_ ”

She kept her distance, though now she became amused. “You know who I am.” He blinked a few times, pinched his leg, doing anything to try to figure out if he was just having a weird dream, when she continued. “Oh, you aren’t a believer like your mother, are you?”

He froze again, staring at her, his mind slowly catching up, until -

“ _Oh_. You’re - you... “

“Mmmhmm.”

His heart began to race as he thought about everything his mom had ever told him about the gods, though he always assumed that was a tale. He never thought they were real, let alone be visited by one. He’s about to apologize for his earlier rudeness when he remembered another important detail. He guarded his expression then, even though he’s in shock. “Why are you here?”

She shook her head, moving from her spot in the doorway to a few feet in front of him. “I think you know that, too.”

And she was right. He remembered.

_They’ll come to you when you least expect it. When you’re troubled about your soulmate._

He took a deep breath, trying to focus on getting through this. “I do. But, I think we’ll be okay.”

She smiled at him, though it wasn’t kind. “Will you? I can feel when a person’s distraught over a loved one. And you, Troy, are _very_ distraught. So. What do you want?”

He flinched slightly as she used his name, but he isn’t surprised she knew. And he’s smart, he knows she knows why, but he doesn’t want to anger her, doesn’t want to chance her doing anything that would harm his boyfriend. So he’s honest.

“I want to make sure that my soulmate is protected. From everything.”

“ _Everything?_ That’s a lot to ask for.”

He bit his lip, though he doesn’t back off of his wish. “I know. But I’m no longer able to be with him all the time, and I can’t watch to make sure that nothing bad happens to him, to protect him. And that - besides actually being able to see him every day - is what I want most.”

She watched him as he explained, knowing he’s telling the truth. She was a god after all. She thought it over for a moment before she smiled. “Okay. We cannot interfere in human emotions, so he’s still going to get into fights. And he’ll still get sick. But, I can make sure nothing major or life-threatening happens to him.”

He breathed a sigh of relief, but only for a moment - quickly remembering another key detail. _They wanted something from us, and not just what we offered._ She would want payment - a sacrifice - in return. He didn’t know what he could offer her, but he might be able to sway her. Might.

“What - what do you want in return?” He was cautious, unease coloring his voice.

She shook her head. “You know that’s not how this works. You don’t get to bargain.”

“But - I.. I have money. You can have it, any amount. All of it. I don’t _care._ ”

She had been indifferent towards him, up until then. Her eyes flared once more, quickly growing tired of this. “ _You don’t get to bargain._ You don’t get to determine your payment for sacrifice. Besides. Money?” She scoffed. “I’m a _god,_ your money is worthless.”  

He backed up then, hitting the bed with the back of his knees. “I - I’m sorry. I -” He didn’t know what to do, but he didn’t want to give up the offer. “Please, I just want him to be safe. Don’t hurt him.”

She rolled her eyes then, growing impatient. “Look, I can’t stay here forever. Do we have a deal or not?”

He felt backed into a corner, but - he was desperate. He was normally collected and able to be rational about anything that came his way, but he wasn’t. Not while dealing with a god that could be vengeful if she chose. He wanted more time, but - who knew if she would ever come back. He swallowed hard before barely nodding his head. “Y-yes. We do.”

She smiled then, a wicked turn to it. “Wonderful. Your soulmate is safe with me.”

He wanted to feel comforted by that, but he wasn’t. “Can you, tell me what you’re taking from me in return?”

She laughed, an edge to it. “No. I can’t. But it’ll be worth it, trust me.”

He sat down at the edge of the bed then, starting to panic. “Am.. am I going to die?” How the fuck would he protect him then?

She sighed then, almost appearing to have a heart. “No, you won’t. I’m not _that_ kind of god. It’s just - think of it as a trade. You give up something, but he gets something in return.” He didn’t say anything else, not able to - even if he had more questions. “It was a pleasure, Troy. You should listen to your mother, more.”

He looked up at her, starting to ask what she means, when she vanishes just as quickly as she came. His eyes widened then, and he sprang up in the direction of the disappearing light. “ _Wait!_ I wasn’t - _”_

He knew it was futile, but - he needed to know what happens next. He stood there for some time, hoping she would come back, but she never did. He closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths to try to calm down. And he prayed that he didn’t just fuck everything up.

-

He’d been prone to injury, having spent multiple stints on the DL in his time with the Rockies. So when he collided with Kevin for a routine fly ball, cracking his shoulder blade, he didn’t think much of it.

Life went on.

Of course, he’d spent the past few months worrying about his sacrifice to the god. But other than the expected sadness about leaving his love behind, nothing seemed out of the ordinary for him. And Nolan hadn’t had anything out of the ordinary happen to him either. He still didn’t know what he paid up - and he stopped thinking about it.  

He adjusted to Toronto, healed quickly, played in his first postseason in years. Spent the offseason like he always did. Went to Dunedin for spring training instead of Scottsdale, the last of the new things for him to deal with. But it went smoothly. And the season started once more, more comfortably than he expected - until he was injured again. He only spent 15 days on the DL, but his season never really got off the ground after that, batting a career low .254 that year.

He had high hopes for 2017, but they were quickly dashed when he went on the 10-day DL for a hamstring in late April. And then again in July for spraining his ankle, that one ending his season. He was bitter.

-

He knew before the 2018 season even started that something was wrong. He was always in pain when he ran, and it wasn’t from the torn ligament he’d suffered from the year before. When he got it checked out, he found out he had bone spurs in both ankles. He’d start the season off on the DL this time.

When he called Nolan to tell him, he almost thought he was joking.

“Really? _Again?_ You just started, baby. You - you haven’t even started yet!” He was unsurprisingly upset for him, just as he was every time he called with news of another injury.

He sighed, resigned to his fate. “I know. But it hurts to do anything. I can’t run, I can’t throw, I can’t practice without my feet hurting. And I can’t deal with that throughout a game.”

He heard a soft sound on the other end of the line, and he knew Nolan was trying to hold back his emotions - whether it was anger or sadness, he couldn’t quite tell. “I’m so sorry, baby. I wish there was something I could do. Share my luck with you, or something.”

Troy laughed, but only because - he knew what that felt like - and it was the only thing he could do. “I know you do. I’ll be okay though. It’s not like I haven’t dealt with this before.” He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but he’s not sure how.

“Are you sure? Maybe you accidentally pissed off a baseball god. You should be nicer to them, sacrifice a glove or something.”

He closed his eyes then, rubbing at his forehead. He’d never told Nolan what happened all those nights ago in 2015, and he hadn’t planned on ever doing so. And after two and a half years, he finally knew what she took from him.

He had to sacrifice his body and his career, so Nolan could have his own - without pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, the god is pretty human-like, but eh.


End file.
